it's thursday (but really friday)

Today's thankfuls, quickly before bed, in no particular order.

1. My dad who always makes me laugh and who I might get to see in August.

2. Sweet pictures and videos of my sweet, precious, cute nephew. They make my day and I show them to anyone who will pay attention.

3. Time with family. I got to see 2 of my sisters (in-law) today and it made my day! (And I am Andy's shirt.)

4. Long talks with my partner in crime while I tried to keep my mind of the insane pain caused by the zillion bumps on I-5.

5. The future. Things are looking up (a certain couple you know may or may not have the "kid bug" and think an awful lot about teaching/feeding/cleaning their future children.) Now if I could magically get rid of this incision and the pain...

Good night and here's to a tubeless Friday (hopefully).

xo, Meg

Falling off the wagon and maybe the reason for my bruises.

They say it takes 2 weeks to build a habit and apparently it takes one day of not writing on here to break the habit I had made. Here I am, back and ready to share my thankfuls with you.

First, a quick update. I have had up and down days (actually it goes more minute-by-minute) since I've been home and the pain comes and goes, but I am trying to focus on healing and health. Friday morning will bring with it a doctor's appointment, cystogram, and possibly tube removal! There are a few more months of recovery in front of me, but in the meantime I am trying to have a good attitude about sitting and being slow.

Ok, thankfuls....

1. Meals. Kirsten and Kent's small group have been so gracious in providing Ryan and I with dinners every night since I have been home. I have never had this kind of catering before, but it really rocks my face off. It has been so helpful to not have to worry about what we are going to eat or how long the dishes might sit in the sink before they get done. Really, it has been the kindest gift I have received.

2. Lauren took me out! A dangerous and slow feat these days, but to Target and Whole Foods we went - accomplished much. Also, side effect of the pain killers: I had promised Emi a special treat, she chose hair clips and then I placed them in Lauren's stuff on the checkout line .... and made her buy the special treat I had promised. Whoops.

3. A new picture for our new (yet to be built) house. I think it looks like me and my partner-in-crime and hope it will bring smiles at our new abode.

Isn't it great!?

4. My mom is coming! Weeee. She is coming in Friday at midnight and turns into a pumpkin on the 1st when she goes home. (Is it funny that I wrote pimpkin first?)

5. I'm in love with good deals and am super thankful for the $3.74 sweatpants I found at Target. Now I don't have to hold up Ryan's sweatpants as I try to walk around in pants too big for me.

I'm trying to rebuild this habit and hope to get my camera up and running again to share snapshots of our life with you.

xo, Meg

Home, so sweet.

Sorry for the delay in updating. The past two days have been filled with trips to the bathroom and begging my stomach to just be normal.

I'm home! On Saturday, after the doctors changed their minds about 5 times, I was allowed home. I think only because of my pitiful looks when they said I may need to stay until Monday.

Things have been a bit rough since I've been home and I brought 2 new allergies home with me, but I'M HOME!

So that counts as all my thankfuls. After 2 weeks in the hospital, I'm home - right where I should be, amongst family and friends and furry white creatures.

Thanks for all the love and support.

xo, Meg

Huuuuuunger

Grrrrrm. Grrrrrrp.

That's my stomach.

Strangely I have gone 15 days without food and a few sips of juice here and there and haven't been hungry. But today. Today is a different story: I am actually hungry. The kind of hungry where you can only think and talk about food. I am currently watching the Food Network with a heating pad on my belly thinking about all the food I want to scarf down right now. But I must wait until we are sure the tiny intestines have really come to life and aren't just faking me out.

Mmmmm, fooooooooood.

xo, Meg

4 hours....

So far, so good.

Everything is as it should be. Well, almost.

My pain levels are up today as I stopped all medications to simutlate my little intestines. Hopefully the heating pad they ordered me will calm my bladder so that it steps back from the edge.

Alright, going walking and chewing gum. My new ritual.

xo, Meg

Update: It's red and it jiggles.

So today, out of boredom and to keep you updated, I will try to post all of my steps forward. I have a feeling today is going to be a big day for, recovery-wise.

Here's my first update: my small intestines seem to be rising from the ashes. I will spare you the details, but I will tell you I am in some pretty bad pain, but it's good pain. Also.... get ready for it....


I'M EATING JELLO!! Strawberry jello. Outside of the 4 bites of sandwich I threw up the other day, this is the first thing I have eaten in 15 days. I didn't know I could go that long without eating. I will never again complain of hunger after a few hours without food.

Keep checking back to find out whether the Jello stays down! It's going to be an exciting day.

xo, Meg

A reason for this season

Enough bumming around hating my small intestine. The GI doctor came and gave me the once over and explained to me that ileus is the next big thing in medicine and whoever finds a cure for it will be set for life. Apparently there is no one set and fast way to get through it. So I am going to keep staying the course which entails walking and chewing gum and not putting anything in my mouth. Hopefully soon, things will begin to move.

xo, Meg

PS- They have no clue when things will move. It's a big waiting game.

Focusing on recovery

Hi there,

Sorry it's been a while, I been trying to focus on recovering for the present time.

Here's what is going on with me:
-Supposed to be going home Sunday evening or Monday morning.
-Ate 4 bites of a sandwich on Sunday.
-Barfed my brains out on Monday. Washed, rinsed, repeated on Tuesday.
-Get an x-ray on Tuesday.
-Turns out I have ileus (part of my small intestines is sleeping and won't let anything pass.
-Back on IVs, off food and drink and still stuck on 7SE.
-Develop weird rash on my hands and feet that itch to the high heavens and are the reason I am up so late writing on here.

I tell you those things not to evoke pity, but the keep you in the loop.

My spirits are good one minute and skydiving toward a cement lot the next.

I still have thankfuls though (there are many more than what is listed here, but I am on a hardcore drug conglumeration):

1. The greatest friends and family on earth. Through this I have felt so loved and cared for by all of you and I will never be able to repay you for what you have done for my spirits. I know you are a huge part in my recovery.

2. Walking. If you know me, you know I like to be active. So I have been walking a lot, and I mean a ton. It keeps my energy up, moods up, and keeps my mind off of the number of days I have been here.

3. THE NURSING STAFF. Seriously, I have never had a nursing staff as great as this one. And that's saying a lot because I have spent a lot of time in hospitals around nurses. I can't really put into words how amazing they are.

4. My husband. He always a thankful for me and now, more than ever, he is showing what a truly amazing person he is. He will do anything for me and I miss him most during these long, beep-filled nights.

5. Games. Board games, card games, dice games, etc. They are a common bond between me and a lot of my friends and help pass the time and get me laughing.

Tune in for more. I'm sure things will be looking up here soon. Got to go, the Benedryl/Oxycodone combo is knocking my socks off.

xo, Meg

I feel like crap.

Just a quick update. It's not all roses and jigs in the hospital. Today sucks, last night was long and painful, and I am still only drinking water.

I'm sure if I dug hard enough I could dig up some thankfuls. But let's be honest, it's hard to be thankful when your stomach feels like it's ripping in two, everything around you is always beeping and buzzing, and when you are playing the waiting game with your damn small intestines.

Speaking of playing the waiting game with your own internal organs. Want to know what that feels like? Flashback to high school when all you needed was 10 bucks from your dad for gas and hanging out with friends and you needed it right then. Needed! And there the troll... ahem, dad, cough.... was laying on the couch protecting his wallet from and you and not budging from sleep for anything short of the house on fire or a missing limb. It feels like that, except at some point I really do need to eat and my small intestine has no exceptions and probably won't care if I light something on fire or lose a limb. And, yes, I was begging my stomach out loud this morning to do something so they will let me eat. I hate being on the timetable of some mucus covered tissue.

Hopefully I'll be more thankful this evening and leave you with thoughts more lovely than these.

Hope you are enjoying your Saturday, lucky eaters.

xo, Meg

Update

I am sitting here in this flexible bed with warm blankets all around me and 5 different IV bags dripping into me and tubes coming out of every where. These drugs are great and I am trying to stay awake a little bit longer today, so I thought I'd give you all an update.

Well, it has officially been over a week since food has touched my mouth and 4.5 days since any thing but clear liquids have been ingested. But today I got to start back on water! It tastes like paradise and that's not hyperbole. The pain is gradually getting worse as the days go and the anesthesia wears off, but that's why I control my own pain meds. I have been up walking 3 times a day and it is not because it feels good to walk. In fact, it's the exact opposite. It hurts like the dickens, but I know it will help me heal faster.

How about some thankfuls?

1. So many visits and call and cards and flowers and drawings. Each one of these adds a little life to this drab room and little pep in my step (more figuratively that literally.) I don't think I can thank all of you enough.

2. A husband who preemptively takes care of me and tells me jokes when I'm sad. Here's one for you: As we were walking down the hall (my first time without a walker) Ryan named my walk the March of the Menguins. Just because I waddle....

3. Every day I make it through is one day closer to full recovery.

4. A positive, attentive medical staff. I am very lucky to have some of the nicest nurses, caring doctors, and peppy hospital staff members. One push of the button and they are there to help.

5.Talking to my little brother Josh on the computer today, he's so sweet and I miss him a lot.

Ok, I'll try to check in again soon.

Thanks for the love and prayers.
xo, Meg

I'm alive....

Here are 5 things I'm thankful for:

1. I'm alive - I survived an 8 hour surgery and seem to be recovering nicely.

2. Beautiful flowers that decorate my hospital room.

3. Friends that love me even when I'm sleepy and probably cranky.

4. A husband that sleeps next to me all night on an uncomfortable pull-out chair.

5. The view of Seattle from my room. And I have a room to myself - always a plus.

xo, Meg

49 hours down, who knows how many to go....

So (needless to say) I don't do so well without foods in my belly. I have gone 49 hours without food, plus some really unfortunate cleansing experiences and I have 29 (or so) more hours to go before surgery. I'm a wreck, to put it nicely. I cry at the drop of a hat, can't walk properly, and just want to sleep.

This will be my last checking in for a while as I will be laid up and drugged up for the next bit.

If you need to get a hold of me you can call or email Ryan. He will be making updates on Facebook and through email if you want to see how I am. Perhaps he will update this blog to. It probably depends on how demanding I am this next week.

Well, I am not feeling particularly thankful because of a combo of things, but I am trying my hardest to stay positive and be thankful.

Here are 5 things I am thankful for today:

1. That I have never had to go without food because I didn't have any. Millions of people feel like this everyday and watch their children cry in hunger - I'm thankful that I have always had food, even if I can't always eat it.

2. My puppies and their cuddly ways and their fluffy faces. I sure am going to miss them while I'm in the hospital.

3. Friends that made my last day of eating a good one. Thanks Amy, Kirsten, Kendra, Alyssa, and Andrew.

4. The skilled surgeons who will be taking care of me on Monday.

5. That for the next week I don't have to give myself insulin shots as they will be given through my IV. I know it sounds dumb in the face of the pain that is coming my way, but having that responsibility out of my hands for a while sounds like vacation to me. (A pre-thank you to the nurses who will be taking care of me and my pancreas and the rest of my body.)

Ok, I'm going to go dream of food.

Night.

xo, Meg

Things I Learned Today....

Today's thankfuls will be based on what I have learned today.

I am thankful that I learned....

1. Boost is disgusting. In case I ever thought protein drinks were the way to go, it turns out they are nothing like milkshakes, they feel like sand in your throat, and "chocolate" is more like "crapolate."

2. My body still makes a good amount of insulin. The staff at BRI informed me that I am probably controlling my blood glucose a little too tightly and am on track to having an A1C lower than most non-diabetics. This means more carbs and less insulin for me. Sounds like a plan! But no worries, I will still be in a great range, have less lows, and take less insulin.

3. Sometimes I just have to let go of my perfectionist tendencies in favor of fun and relaxation. I would like my hair to start growing back and it can't if I continue to stress. So for the next 5 days I will work on being relaxed, and in 5 days the doctor's will be giving me some great meds that will allow me to chill.

4. I wasn't meant to live somewhere super warm, I start melting quickly at around 90 degrees. But I will not complain about this weather, I just couldn't do this every day for months on end. I love myself a grey day and warm cup of coffee.

5. I have really great friends and they make my days so much better.

.... and knowing is half the battle ....

xo, Meg

Preview of the Re-mix

I know, two posts within 12 hours of each other - weird!

But I just wanted to say ... here I go, on my way to be researched.

It's only been 12 hours since I last ate and I can barely concentrate on anything but food. Soooo hungry. In fact me and the dry-roasted peanuts just had a stand-off that ended in the peanuts packing their bags and heading back to the pantry. How will I ever last 3-5 days without food? Let me just say, things are not looking good and you may want to avoid the Redmond area from Friday to Sunday.

So now I am going to go have my blood drawn in steady increments after I drink an Ensure-nasty drink. And then I will be found stuffing my face for the rest of the day. Bring on new pounds!

I am so thankful that I get to participate in this study and thankful that I still have friends, even when I'm a big sicko that gets super cranky after 2 hours without food.

I will report back this evening with all the bloody details (hehe).

Have a blessed day.

xo, Meg

PS- If you need me today, I will be at my happy place:

Purple (not the color) Trees (in painting form)

Today was a full, blessed day.

This morning was doctor's appointment with the Diabetes Repair Team that was awesome. Once again, I must say, they are awesome.

Forward, march...

1. My blood glucose average for the past month is 113! Not only is this great news it's an awesome number, 13 is my lucky number and everything lately has revolved around it (they break ground on our house on July 13th.)

2. Dinner at my favorite restaurant with some great friends. Not to mention the creme brulee and salted caramels. No worries, I was supposed to be eating 150 g of carbs these past few days and I chose to meet that number through things I don't normally eat.

3. A new piece of art from the famous Skirst at Hello Grey Day. We all know how much I love trees. I mean I got one tattooed on me, also drawn by the Skirst.




4. Lauren's beautiful new car. I'm so happy for her!

5. A partner in crime that makes beats for me to dance to and always finds a way to make me laugh (mostly.)

Love you all.

xo, Meg

"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired."

Mother Teresa